The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
