VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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