are you still at the devil's house?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize