He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Ladies don't puke and tell
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
