I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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