i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
