i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
