She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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