If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
