when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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