SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
