16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
there is glitter all over my balls
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
