Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
