ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
