I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
As shirtless as possible
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
