im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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