What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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