o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
