We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
