I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
