You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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