he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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