At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
