I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
