i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
