Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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