oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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