What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
