At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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