guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
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Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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