I just made out with a guy for $7.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
