going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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