you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
