i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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