just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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