You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
