I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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