Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
