I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
