You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
