It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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