Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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