Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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