If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
