He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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