i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
