kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
