dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I wish you could order shots online.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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