I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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