using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
