A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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