i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
