he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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