id be glad to
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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