He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
