It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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