It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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