fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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