the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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