wanna go halves on a baby?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
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I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
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I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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