just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
