I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
