I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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