I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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