I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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